What to do when you Fall off the Horse (and you will).

Right, first things first, this post is late. It’s crashing through the front door at 3.30 in the morning when it promised it was only going out for “a couple of drinks with the work lot” and would be “back at 11 at the absolute latest I swear”.

Why is it late? Because I fell off the horse. No, I didn’t get smashed and come home in the early hours making shitty excuses like I lost track of time or my phone ran out of battery or they made me do shots, what am I supposed to do? Those bastards.

drunk

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I fell off the horse that I sat proudly atop when I started this blog. The one I’ve been carefully feeding and grooming and training for the past 2 years. That horse is my mission to constantly work to improve every aspect of myself.

Your horse could be a diet, an objective or outcome-based goal or a different attitude or outlook. Change and growth is not easy. Very few things worth doing in life are easy.

This isn’t the first time I’ve fallen off the horse and it won’t be the last. Chances are you’ll do the same thing a few times along the way too.

I’m going to share with you my 4 step plan for getting back on my horse, maybe there’s something there you can use if you have a shitty day, week, month or whatever to get back on track.

1. Allow yourself to fall off the horse

This is the most important thing, and it’s something I wasn’t always very good at. You’ve got to have some compassion for yourself and realise that you’re human and getting off track is just part of the journey.

If you can’t allow yourself the odd failure then you’ll end up allowing yourself to slump back in to inertia. Then self-doubt will creep in and strangle your ambition and you’ll end up going backwards.

backwards

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You’re better than that, as long as you want to be.

Chalk it up to experience (as they say) and resolve to get back on that horse as quickly as possible using the rest of the steps below.

2. Re-establish your mindset

So once you’ve made friends with yourself again you’ll want to re-establish your mindset. Remember the reasons why you started pursuing your goal or decided to try things a little differently. Write them down if that helps.

Compare the feelings you had before you decided to get back on the wagon (disappointment, frustration, fear) with the feelings you had when you were on it (excitement, enthusiasm, motivation). Decide which person you want to be and you’ll be ready.

3. Reinstate your routine

Just like when you first start out chasing ambition, don’t wait for motivation to poke its head out from behind a tree and blow you a kiss. Don’t let past behaviours or the opinions of others hold you back.

Maybe you used to get up and go for a run in the morning 3 times a week but haven’t done so for a month? There is no other option save just getting up and doing it again one morning. Your body will resist at first, sure. You’ll have to drag it kicking and screaming out the door the first few times, but it gets easier every time.

World's Toughest Rodeo
1/13/2012, Wells Fargo Arena

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Perhaps you’ve been dieting for months but had a blowout week or two? The office summer bash falling on the same week that Linda turns ‘Naughty 40’ AND your old drinking buddies are in town for the weekend? Yeah, you’re not getting through that lot without drinking enough to fill the Adriatic are you?

To be honest it’s probably done you some good blowing off steam like that, but once you start counting those calories and watching your booze intake again you’ll notice very quickly how much better you feel and why you’re glad you only see your old drinking buddies every 6 months now.

Or it could be that you’ve been doing really well managing stress, anxiety or anger issues but have let yourself regress to a point where you’re not in control of it any more. That’s fine too. You’re waging a titanic war and are bound to lose the odd battle here and there.

If this is the case, go back to basics with managing it and be honest with those closest to you so they can support you too. I’m not a mental health professional so I’m not going to go in to detail here but I do have to keep an eye on my anger and when I feel like I’m starting to lose control of it I focus on other things to try and direct that energy elsewhere.

For example – if I start getting angry at my kids, I try and focus on how much I love them and how amazing they are, so I start from there and any anger gets swallowed up by that love.

If I start to feel angry about stuff I feel I’m missing out on, I focus on feeling gratitude for what I have and the anger is dwarfed by that gratitude.

If I start to feel angry or frustrated about work, I focus on trying to make changes and helping those around me instead. If you’re in a job that’s making you angry and you don’t feel like there’s anything you can do to change things, then fucking quit and find another job.

quit

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4. Shut the doors and windows

This is the final thing you need to do in order to get fully saddled up again. The phrase ‘shut the doors and windows’ comes from a great little book about selling called ‘The Wideboys Handbook’ that I read a few years back. Don’t let the title put you off, if you work in sales it’s definitely worth a look and you can probably pick it up for about a quid on Amazon now.

What I mean when I say ‘shut the doors and windows’ is that you should find a way to stop yourself falling off the horse in the same way again.

This may mean that you stop hanging out with certain people as much as you did before. It may mean you resolve to not keep junk food in the house. It may mean committing to developing a new behaviour to help train you out of old tendencies.

Do whatever you feel you need to do to minimise the risk of this happening again. This is a really positive step as it turns the whole episode in to a learning experience and can improve your chances of success dramatically in the long run.

So there it is, my 4 step plan for getting back on the horse. Again, this is almost certainly going to happen to you at some point if you’re pursuing a self-improvement type objective. It’s not the end of the world, you can jump back on and rejoin the rodeo in no time.

Now go ride ’em, cowboy!

ride em

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Ben Burrell-Squires

I’m just trying to stay out of trouble.

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